Setting boundaries can be hard especially as an Introvert. We get into tips for Introverts (and everyone else) to set limits in relationships.
Listen to the episode:
The holidays tend to bring with them a wave of expectations from friends and family. We got into all things Introvert and Ambivert in Episode 64 and in the show notes here. Now we take it a step further and talk about tips for setting boundaries as an introvert:
Saying “No” is Not a Bad Thing
First, you can be proactive in your limit setting by being mindful of your social circle. This is a bit harder with family. We talked about that idea that saying “no” is not a bad thing. Also, edit your friendship circle so that you surround yourself with individuals that understand you. That can reduce the likelihood of having to set limits in the first place.
Many introverts are prone to want to take care of others — especially highly sensitive introverts — due to their highly developed sense of empathy.Source: Introvert Dear
Practice Setting Boundaries Early and Often
Get in the habit of setting boundaries. The more you get through those uncomfortable situations the easier it gets. Think of it as building muscle memory. Although it can be a challenge to set limits, think of what you are avoiding as a result.
Boundaries and Your Family
It’s harder with close friends and family. The reason is that there is history and subtext attached to these relationships. For instance, your limit setting can trigger a reaction. Be ready for an adverse reaction. This is especially true if you’ve been the flexible one or the quiet one.
“Healthy boundaries can be the difference between a healthy, happy relationship and a toxic, dysfunctional relationship.”Source: Positive Psychology
When you set boundaries you are changing things around. People, especially family members, usually don’t like that. Setting a boundary can create an imbalance. You are affecting what is referred to in family systems as the “homeostasis”, the tendency to function as we always have and resist change.
You Don’t Have to Respond to Everything
Not everything needs a response. This is a handy piece of information to remember when you get an adverse reaction. Your friends and family may perceive you as being “bitchy” or dramatic when you set a limit. So, before you respond, think about what’s your objective and will it be productive.
Dime En Español
Cuando pones límites, estás cambiando las cosas. A las personas, especialmente a los miembros de la familia, generalmente no les gusta eso. Establecer un límite puede crear un desequilibrio. Estás afectando lo que se conoce en los sistemas familiares como la “homeostasis”, la tendencia a funcionar como siempre lo hemos hecho y resistir el cambio.
Practice What You Preach
Along with setting boundaries, think about the boundaries of others. We got into how we need to think other the needs of others. Model respecting the boundaries of others. That may increase the likelihood that it is reciprocated.
Boundary Setting Can Count as Self-Care
Finally, you can consider setting a limit as a form of self-care. You are speaking up for what will work for you. It is an investment in yourself to avoid adverse situations in the future. Ultimately, you are teaching others how to treat you and that is invaluable.
Rather listen to these posts instead of reading them? Check out the Don’t Mix In podcast. Join me as I dive into the topics from the blog. Don’t Mix In can be found on Apple Podcasts and pretty much anywhere you find your podcasts! If you are into what you hear, be sure to subscribe and leave me a review.
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